Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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