My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
