Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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