I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
