Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
