my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
