just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Randomize
