Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
