this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
