Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
