I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
