My cat gives me a boner
if only i could text you this smell
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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