I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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