He asked me if I "almost moaned"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
