theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize