Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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