Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
