This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Also, beer. Big fan.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Randomize
