Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
