Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
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