At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
