You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Bang-toberfest begins!!
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
