You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize