She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
