It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
