Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize