I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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