how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
