If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Houston, we have a blender
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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