Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
