How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
