At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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