Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
