those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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