I cannot find my penis.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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