i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
