I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
