thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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