I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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