I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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