You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize
