The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
