I look better un-naked...
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
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