well you can't waste a boner
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
