the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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