i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
