im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize