After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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