I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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