I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
