According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
