so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
