i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Randomize
