The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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