Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
well most of my day revolves around power hour
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
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