matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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