I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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